What does communication with people do?
We need skills to communicate with people every day. Some believe that effective communication is something from the arsenal of business psychology, and people who do not need to conduct business negotiations, learn to communicate for nothing. And this is a big mistake that can cost a lot.
Communicating with people is an important part of our lives. Thanks to the ability to clearly express our thoughts and listen, we can not only achieve career success, but also make friends, establish relationships with family and friends. Psychologists know that most conflicts in pairs and even divorces are not caused by overwhelming contradictions, but the banal inability to negotiate. And how many people suffer from loneliness just because they are ashamed to talk to a cute stranger or stranger! In short, the ability to communicate is necessary for everyone. This is the key to success in all areas of life. Abraham Lincoln, John Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Ronald Reagan, Winston Churchill and Jacques Chirac would hardly have reached the top of the political Olympus if they had not been such brilliant speakers. Steve Jobs is known for his speeches as much as he is for his innovative computer developments. The legendary beauties of the past centuries on the parade portraits don’t strike with external data at all – but contemporaries in their memoirs praise them not so much for their beauty as for their ability to talk.
It should be noted that “communicating” and “speaking” are not the same thing. Communication is a complex process that consists of both verbal communication (what we say) and non-verbal communication (how we do it). And the second type of communication is much more important – it is not the meaning of our words that produces the greatest influence on the interlocutor, but the sound and timbre of the voice, posture and gestures. And, finally, the most important thing is those thoughts and feelings that are in our subconscious. These are fear of rejection, rejection, anger at the abusers, etc. They are the ones that influence the reactions of our interlocutors and determine our level of communicative skills.
Why are we afraid to be heard?
What’s stopping us from talking? Shyness, fear of saying stupid things or being misunderstood, fear of speaking out, low self-esteem, and even problems with diction – all these problems are based on psychology. Often their roots go back to the distant past – in childhood or adolescence. Becoming adults, we forget those unpleasant moments, which have seeded in us the uncertainty, but they continue to affect our behavior. Annoyed “Don’t talk nonsense!” from parents, excruciating speeches at the blackboard in the classroom, peer mockery – all this in adult life turns out to be serious communication difficulties.
To identify and eliminate the cause of communication difficulties, it is necessary to work with a psychologist. But the first and most important step is recognition that the problem exists and the desire to solve it.
Psychology of communication with people
Psychology of communication with people is based on several rules, which were most clearly and clearly formed by the famous psychologist and writer Dale Carnegie. He published his most famous books in the 1930s and 40s, but since then nothing has changed in human behavior and these rules are still relevant.
Rule No. 1. Be sincerely interested in others.
We all consider ourselves unique and want to be interesting to others. Remember your experience of communication – we are always more willing to talk not with those who say smart things, but with those who let us know that we ourselves are interesting.
Rule #2. Smile.
Psychological research has shown that smiling people seem more attractive to us in general. We tend to ascribe the best human qualities to them. A smile shows the interlocutor that communicating with him is a joy and pleasure.
Rule number 3. Remember that your own name is the most pleasant word for any person.
By calling a person by name, we give him the easiest and most natural compliment. For us, a name expresses individuality. That is why many people are so annoyed when someone clicks on their name or uses a form they do not like – for example, “Mania” instead of “Mary”. When you use a person’s name in a conversation, it’s as if you’re telling them: “You’re an amazing person and a bright personality”.
Rule number 4. Learn to listen.
Sadly, few people really know how to listen to the interlocutor – most often, especially in the heat of the dispute, we just wait for our turn to speak out, without going into what we are trying to convey. And the demonstration of attention is a powerful tool of influence. Listen to the person, ask him additional questions and do not hide your emotions if you hear something new or surprising. And if you remember the statements that seemed successful to the interlocutor, and inadvertently screw them in the next conversation, he will be just subdued.
Rule number five. Talk about what’s interesting to the person you’re talking to.
Everybody’s got their hobby. If you find a topic that interests your conversation partner, you’ll put him in your room. This applies to both business communication and ordinary friendly conversation. Even if the topic seems to you not particularly important, do not close – try to listen and find out something valuable for yourself. It is not for nothing that Chinese sages said that you can learn from the first person you meet.
Rule number 6. Sincerely demonstrate to the interlocutor its importance.
The key word here is “sincerely.” This may be the most difficult part of communication psychology. People feel false, and even those who love flattery in all forms, will feel bad if your delight is played. Look for in everyone what really seems to be admirable to you, and honestly praise these traits.
The Art of Effective Communication
Communicating with people is an art. To master it, you need to know many subtleties and have special skills, many of which seem to have nothing to do with communication. However, it is their presence that makes people brilliant speakers and interesting interlocutors. What will help us “pump up” our communication skills?
Observation:
It was enough for Sherlock Holmes to have one look at a man to know the whole background. It’s not just the detectives who need observation. Noting peculiarities of behavior, appearance, mimicry of the interlocutor, we can draw conclusions about what kind of person it is and in what style it is best to communicate with him. In addition, observation is closely linked to memory – another important quality of a good conversationalist.
Memory
The more information we remember about a person, the more successful our communication with them will be. If you remember everything that the other person has told you, you can demonstrate your interest in them. He will be sincerely flattered.
A wide range of horizons
“Oh, I don’t know anything about that!” After such words, few people will want to continue their exciting story about football, healthy eating or the latest international news. You don’t need to be a broad-based expert to have an idea of all the different aspects of life. Interesting interlocutors are not locked in their world – they are interested in what is going on around them and can support a conversation on any topic.
Sensitivity
The ability to read the emotions of the interlocutor can be called sensitivity, although in fact it is one of the consequences of observation. Psychologist Paul Eckmann, who advised investigators from the CIA and the FBI, has reached unprecedented heights in this skill. He discovered how the slightest contraction in facial muscles can reveal our true feelings and thoughts. His books have gained such popularity that on the basis of these purely scientific works was filmed a popular series about an independent expert who knows how to accurately identify lies. To master this art under the power of everyone – for everyday life is enough to learn to see the basic emotions and know the basics of body language.
Continuous training of communication skills
Researchers from Oxford found that, on average, each person communicates regularly with 20 people – friends and buddies, family members, colleagues and neighbours. The scientists did not stop there – they scanned the brain of volunteers and found that those whose circle of communication is wider than the average, showed increased neuronal activity in the brain area responsible for communication functions, as well as better communication between different parts of the brain. This is not an inborn quality, but the result of regular communication skills training. The more people we talk to, the easier it is for us to communicate with them. Look for opportunities to chat with strangers, with people from a variety of social groups, with those whose interests are markedly different from yours. Communicating with strangers will make you more flexible as a conversation partner.
The language of motion is the key to success.
What you say is important, but more importantly, how you do it. Imagine a speaker who hunches and rumbles under his nose – how many will listen to his words? Sometimes non-verbal signals are more important than words. When we assess the speaker, we not only listen to what he is saying, but we subconsciously pay attention to his posture, the timbre of his voice and the speed of his speech. Basic non-verbal signs are universal, they are equally perceived throughout the world. How do you keep yourself to be listened to?
View
“Heavy gaze”, “Looking obliquely” or “Eyes burning”, “Looking affectionately” – even in conversational speech, people who have no idea of psychology note the power of gaze. With the help of special psychological trainings it is possible to learn to look at the interlocutor correctly – openly, but not oppressing, not taking the look away and constantly giving the person to understand that you are interested in him. Psychologists distinguish different types of views for different situations – business, social and intimate look.
Mimic
Man is able to subconsciously recognize and interpret the most subtle movements of facial muscles. Mimicry is an important source of knowledge about the person you are talking to. Knowing the mimic manifestations of emotions, we not only understand the mood of others, but also can send them the right signals.
Gestures
We tend to listen to those people who stand before us in an open position – that is, they do not fence off anything. A handbag pressed against your chest, hands crossed or hidden in your pockets, a “leg by leg” posture, clenched fists – all this indicates the desire of the interlocutor to build an obstacle between you, fence off. Conversely, an open pose, smooth and leisurely gestures and open palms signal others: “I am calm, friendly and open to dialogue.” Communication asses often use the method of mirroring, with a slight delay repeating the pose and gestures of the interlocutor – it subconsciously has people open. However, such techniques need to be learned.
Exercises to develop communication skills
To overcome timidity and learn to communicate with people, you need specialist help. But there are also simple exercises to help you develop your communication skills. You should not expect miracles from them, but their performance will prepare the ground for more serious work on themselves.
Talking to a chair
Every day you talk out loud – but not to people, but to objects. By the way, talking to a chair or geranium is much harder than talking to a real interlocutor. That’s why this training is so effective. Try to talk for a few minutes on a specific topic – first, just tell us how you are doing. You can plan your conversation in your mind and stick to it. This will help you learn to express your thoughts in a coherent way.
10 strangers
Set yourself a goal – every day to make casual conversations with strangers. Ask the saleswoman for her opinion on bread varieties, find out from the first person you meet how to get to the clinic, talk about the weather with the concierge in the entrance, ask the neighbor for some salt. It will save you from the fear of talking first.
I remember everything.
Develop a memory – try to remember what people around you are wearing, what they are holding in their hands, what color their eyes are, what they told you. At night, check to see if you can remember many in detail.
